Reasons behind leaving the first love
One of the reasons behind Spiritual Weakness might be: the routine of the spiritual life, the fact that it is not growing and the conscience carelessness.
Routine and no growth:
The spiritual heat rules over the heart of the
repenting person because he feels the big
difference between his life in repentance and his
former life in sin.
He feels that he started getting to know the lord
and His way. Feeling that change, he gets filled up
with heat. Some sects even call this change
But if this new life got ruled by routine again
the heart heat will cool.
The one style might bring sleep sometimes…
You have to feel ongoing change in your life and
movement in it.
The change should not only be
accompanying repentance but should continue
for the whole life. It should be a change to the
best, a growth and a reaching forward to what’s
Repentance is not a stage that you only pass by
but it is for the whole lifetime… And so is change in
your life… Everyday you evolve and your knowledge
of the Lord grows, and your knowledge about yourself
also grows. How can this be?
God, in His love, does not reveal all your sins
and imperfections at the beginning of your
repentance so that you do not fall in desperation
and feel that the road is hard to go through.
But he first reveals the horrible sins so that you
confess them… You might be tired of a big sin like
adultery, robbery, lying, cursing, oppressing… And
when you get rid of it, you think you have repented
and that your life has changed and you got to know
During that you forget about other sins that are
still inside of you without you feeling them…
Therefore the wise repenting person always searches
inside himself to reveal its weakness and
imperfections and repent for them.
And with that inspection for the small sins,
one lives the life of circumspectness. And with
continual repenting a person goes into the life
of contrition that brings him the passion.
And such person continually keeps on trying to
repair himself and keep growing and his life gets
If you do not go forward everyday then you
are prone to going backwards. Spiritual life is an
ongoing moving life that never stops.
An example of that is the repenting person’s
attitude towards prayer…
Before repenting, you did not use to pray, but if
you started to pray and stopped at that level, your
life will cool. But the spiritual person grows:
He trains on understanding, meditating, being deep in
prayer and praying submissively whether spiritually or
physically and trains also on submissive prayer
remembering his sins. He makes himself get used to
praying passionately and with longing to God and
with love… His conscience reproaches him if he loses
one of these elements.
His conscience used to rebuke him if he does
not reach where he wanted. But now his
conscience reproaches him in spite of his
prayers because it is not as spiritual as it should
After that comes the training on continuously
praying, during work, on the road, in every interview
or meeting and on the beginning of every action…
And prayer becomes more serious and with an aim
and not only a routine. And the person praying feels
that he is in the presence of God and feels the
connection he has with Him…
And if he was absorbed by prayer it leads
him to silence because talking delays him; and
silence leads him to solitude because being
among people embarrasses him…
He experiences continual speaking with prayer
words, and prayer meanings get revealed to him. This
makes new meditation every time and the prayer
words get sweeter to him until he cannot leave his
With all this growth he feels more his
imperfection in praying.
How far is he still from prophets’ prayers that
used to move out the place, the prayer of Elijah that
used to open the heaven, David’s prayer that
contained granting and the prayers of saints that did
miracles? How far is he from the high prayer levels
and from being wonder-struck by God?!
If you put in front of you a real program for
spiritualities in its depth and you measure
yourself to the high levels, you will always feel
that you did not reach them yet…
We lose the passion sometimes because our
spiritual measures are limited.
Only one or two psalms are sufficient to make us
ease our conscience and might even make us feel
that we are righteous, while in fact our prayers are
still shallow and weak!!
You can feel the prayer sweetness when you
love prayer more than anything else; and then
everything else become insignificant for you
when compared to it.
A person, who always aims to reach forward for
what is ahead, becomes full of passion because
movement generates heat. And the one who does not
move becomes cold and weak.
Among the reasons that lead to weakness in
spiritual life is caring only for worshipping
and leaving purity of the heart… How can
In spite of his worship, there might be a little
pride in his heart, self righteousness, lack of love for
the neighbor, lack of faith or lack of trust… And he
does not care, thinking that worshipping deeds are
Back, when you were in the world, the big
sins fought you. But now you fight sins that you
think are small. That is why we find in the Song
of Solomon the saying: “Catch us the foxes, The
little foxes that spoil the vines…”.
But even some sins come to us in sheep’s
They take the form of virtues while they are sins!!
How does that happen?
Anger may take the form of sacred zeal. So that a
person gets angry and rages, might even curse,
rebuke, flare up, intensify and convict others and fill
the world with noise and thinks that he does that all
He might even mention verses that justify
his attitude so that his conscience does not
The bible says: “Convince, rebuke, exhort”. And
mentions that the Lord Jesus Christ held the whip and
cleared the temple. Also mentions his saying: “Woe to
you, scribes and Pharisees hypocrites!”. And they
quote St Paul the Apostle when saying: “O foolish
Galatians!” and the Baptist says: “Serpents, brood of
vipers!”... And they do not remember from the bible
anything other than that…!!
He, in his own eyes, is a new Baptist and a
new Elijah who can say: “Let fire come down
from heaven and consume the fifty”. And in all
that he loses his humility.
In the past, when he was far from God, he was
hard-hearted, intense and violent to the extent that
people get annoyed from his hardness. And he thinks
that he repented and got changed by abandoning
some of his obvious sins… But till now he is still too
harsh… Judges people harshly inside the church… And
it seems as if people of the world are more sensitive,
gentler and politer than he is.
What is strange about that is that his
conscience does not rebuke him. The devil has
taken the form of an angel of light and the sin
has taken the name of a virtue!
Conviction has taken the name of reform and
strictness has taken the name of circumspectness and
angry attitude has carried the name of zeal… And
verses started giving a good cover for sins!!
The conscience has become so flexible that it can
swallow so many sins…
The most astonishing of all is that this
person might commit a sin and the vanishing
glory still fights him.
With all his cruelty, and judging others, and his
loud rebuking for everyone, he still sees himself as
the only one implementing the verse "And have no
fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but
rather expose them" (Eph 5:11).
There is a big difference between one person and
another: the first one is nominated by God to rebuke
people, the Holy Spirit is rebuking people on his
tongue, with divine words, examples of which are
Elijah and Simon, and another person rebuking
people with a cruel heart and a harsh tongue,
because he has bad habits and didn't repent yet…
This person as he justifies his sin, he
justifies his laziness in worship
Like he justifies his sin using examples and verses
from the bible that do not apply to him, he justifies
his laziness in: prayers, contemplations, spiritual
readings, by the excuse of being busy in the service!!
My advice to such people is as follows:
Refuse every new virtue that you acquire
that is a destroyer to another one which you
already posses, and say to yourself: I don't
want it, it is not from God.
The righteousness which God grants you doesn't
destroy another one that you already have, but builds
on it for God's deeds do not destroy one another…
Satan, the wise in evil, as was written about the
serpent "Now the serpent was more cunning than any
beast of the field" (Gn 3:1), destroys whatever
virtues he finds in you promising you with others… He
destroys your meekness under the cover of zeal,
and takes away your prayers under the cover of
the service… then in turn makes you lose the
blessings of both zeal and the service by judging
others and anger…
If Satan tells you: leave your humbleness aside,
so that you might reprove, rebuke, exhort, tell him I
do not want that reproving, I am leaving it to leaders.
If he tells you are now a leader and have
responsibilities, you are not young anymore, tell him:
I would like to stay young my whole life.
Satan fights everyone: he fights the sons of
the world by sin and lust. He fights sons of God
by virtues… a virtue that destroys another one!!
As for you may your life be built on the
foundation of humbleness on which all your
spiritual life should be built on as well… this
humbleness warms up your spiritual life, hence you
will grow in the knowledge of God, the knowledge
that gives depth to your love not that makes you lose
your way into dark misleading subways…
Climb up the ladder of virtues, slowly, wisely
and with counseling, don't climb up a step until you
make sure that your feet are well fixed in the
previous step. Every single step that is built on the
prior to it does not contradict or destroy it.
Let your spiritual work be done
consecutively, for that Satan's deeds are never
so, they are so disorganized.
There are reasons for leaving the first love:
Sometimes leaving the first love is due to
fear, like when Peter denied Jesus. When the
shepherd is stricken, the sheep of flock scatter, then
whoever escapes escape, and whoever denies deny.
It is also possible that a person might leave
his first love because of Satan's fights.
Although the heart that is full of love always wins
over Satan's wars, so even if Satan appears to him in
dreams or visions, he refuses to believe those
dreams, as not every vision or dream is from God!!
And likewise he refuses the thoughts, doubts and
It is possible that leaving the first love is
because one's heart is turned away to another.
Like when a father leaves the love of the children
of his first wife for the love of his second wife; his
heart has deviated, and love has deviated with it.
He might leave his first love because his false
explanation for some situations.
Or because the one he loved did not fulfill his
aims, and he deals with God the same way…
God considers leaving the first love as a fall,
and He gives a warning.
He says "or else I will come to you quickly and
remove your lampstand from its place - unless you
repent." (Rev 2:5)
May God give us to repent and go back to our
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