Family

What Are They Thinking About Me?

by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Why should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!

Right now, take a moment to ponder the question: "How would I feel and what would I do differently if I never thought about what people think of me?"

I pondered this question many years ago and discovered some things that changed my life:

* I discovered that I felt anxious whenever I worried about what someone thought of me, which made it impossible to be myself. As soon as I was concerned about their judgment or approval, I tried to become what I thought they wanted me to be to gain their approval. This made me so tense that even if I got their approval, I still felt bad.

* I discovered that I was drawn to being with judgmental people - people who were very much like my parents - and I was addicted to trying to get these judgmental people to approve of me. I saw that this was a dead end - that I had no control over getting judgmental and rejecting people to be loving and kind, and I stopped being drawn to these people.

* I discovered that even if I got their approval, it was always short-lived and I had to keep looking good and performing right to get it again. This was an exhausting way to live.

* I discovered that no matter how hard I worked on doing things right and being perfect and never making a mistake or failing, some people liked me and some didn't. I learned that if I was just myself and gave up being right and perfect, some people liked me and some didn't. I finally saw that trying so hard to get love or approval was a complete waste of my time and energy!

* I discovered that I was confusing love and approval. I learned that love is that which is unconditional and that people either gave it freely or they didn't and it was not something I could earn or control. I might be able to control getting some approval, but not love.

* I learned that, while approval felt good for the moment, it never fully filled me with love for myself, or confidence in myself.

* I discovered that when I gave myself the approval, love and attention that I was trying so hard to get from others, life became much easier and more fun!

By really paying attention to my feelings and actions, I was able to completely give up even thinking about what others thought of me. I discovered the truth of what Terry Cole Whitaker said in the title of her book, "What Others Think Of Me Is None Of My Business."

It is such a freedom to never think about what others think of me! I am free to speak my truth, to say yes or no according to what is in my highest good, to love with my whole heart and soul, to freely offer my gifts and talents, to trust my own feelings and higher guidance rather than buy into others' beliefs and opinions, to not be controlled by fear of making a mistake or fear of others' judgment, to laugh as loud as long as I want as I want, and to cry when I am hurting or moved.

I am free to love myself and share my love with others with no agenda regarding how they will feel about me, and this is the greatest joy of all.

See Also:

Circle Of Life
Every life is a circle. You and I and everyone that is born into this world is a circle. Our circle belongs to us and no one else.  Those who are allowed in are usually able to see a deeper and intimate side of us. We are the only ones who can give permission as to what or who comes into our circles. This is very important. Who we date, marry, what kinds of friends we have, whatever the situation, we allow or invite people into our circles.

I Just Want to be Understood
Sure, I love it when someone hears me and sees me and understands me - but now it's the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Now I can listen to others from my heart and truly see and understand them because I don't need anything from them.

How Not To Look Old When You’re Fabulous Over 50
There’s nothing that says we have to settle for our looks and accept our bodies just because we’re aging. In fact, there’s a whole new you that can be uncovered with just a few simple changes to your makeup and wardrobe.

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