THE ENGAGEMENT PERIOD

 

(H.G. Bishop Moussa)

 

The engagement period starts with the agreement to get married and ends by actual marriage. It is a very important period because it gives the chance to get to know each other deeply and to grow in Christian love, to sense the potential for fulfilling the engagement with a happy marriage. Just as the couple needs to get to know each other, so every family member pulls together for the building up of a marriage that will be blessed. The engagement period provides a chance for bother parties to speak out openly and frankly.

THE BETROTHAL ORDINANCES

Are brief. They comprise:

1. The triple sign

The sign of the cross is made three times on both the

engaged couple and the marriage rings (as the rings mark a

covenant of love and firm union). The priest says:

O "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy

Spirit. Amen!"

O "Blessed is the Father, Almighty. Amen!"

O "Blessed is His Holy Son our Lord Jesus Christ!"

O "Blessed is the Holy Spirit, the Comforter. Amen!"

This is how the One and Only God, Father, Son and Holy

Spirit blesses this project, based upon the acceptance of

both the fiances and barring any legal impediments, or other

objections.

2. Prayer of Thanksgiving

In which the priest offers everybody's thanks to the Lord

for the blessing of the establishment of a new family as a

small church. This new church family will, with God's

blessing, bring children into the Lord's house to complete

the body of Jesus and the number of the saints.

3. Prayers of Counsel

These aim at explaining the dimensions of engagement to the

engaged couple, asking the Lord for the completion of that

project at the appropriate time, for their salvation and

happiness.

While uplifting anthems are sung, the rings are put on as a

symbol of the covenant. Then the priest commands the

engaged couple to live a holy, chaste life, to read the Bible at every opportunity and end the reading with prayers,

in order that their engagement might be made holy and mark a

chaste beginning to a blessed marriage.

OBJECTIVES OF THE ENGAGEMENT PERIOD

1. Each party recognizes the characteristics of the future

partner: thoughts, opinions, aspirations and life-style.

2. Both the fiances may grow in a holy spiritual life,

where they are taught how to fight against sensualities, how

to acquire chaste manners and how to achieve spiritual

fullness as the only way to a sacred marriage.

3. Both families are introduced. This promotes the spirit

of love and understanding, cooperation and care for the

growth of the new plant.

4. Everybody cooperates for meeting all the needs of the

newly formed household in a truly Christian spirit. This

means shunning all extreme behavior such as showing off,

sulking, secretiveness, crookedness, annoying the other

partner, or failing to keep promises.

BASIC PRINCIPLES FOR THAT PERIOD

The relationship between the two fiances often suffers

severe fluctuations, instead of tightening up and becoming

stronger. There are many crucial factors that both of them

should watch out for if they really want their relationship

to continue and be transformed into a sacred marriage.

1. One of the critical causes of failure is blind jealousy

between the engaged couple, i.e. if one sees the other

paying some attention to a third person the former

misunderstands and consequently starts to make trouble,

expressing doubts and quarrelling. Just as it is essential

for each of them to be firmly loyal to the other, so it is

essential for both of them to get rid of that jealousy that

only indicates selfishness and awful self-centeredness.

Paying attentions to a third person may have only been done

out of politeness and good manners, or it may have been done

in good faith, although jealousy would see it as betrayal.

The more people are attracted to Jesus, the closer they get

to each other in a proper Christian way, free of all forms

of excessive possessiveness.

2. Another factor that could ruin the relationship between

the two fiances is the tight feelings of love between the

parents of one partner and their son or daughter. This

leads to the suspicion that the other partner will deprive

them of that love. So they would tend not to give their son

or daughter the appropriate advice that would make their

lives easier. The fear of testing out the probabilities

even magnifies situations and so complicated ordinary,

everyday problems.

3. A third pitfall is when one partner asks about the past

of the other partner. Although this may be done out of goodwill, yet dragging up an affair that is over and done

with, may only lead to jealousy and psychological

disturbances. It may even give rise to the suspicion of one

partner that the other might easily fall into temptation.

That is why we advice them to avoid the following:

a. Revealing old bad experiences that one has already

confessed; as they are no longer a part of our lives.

b. Going along with any sort of flirtation or physical

contact however slight, as this only creates doubts between

the two of them.

c. Asking the other partner repeatedly about past

experiences or sins in a stiff way that will only lead to

lying, or the admission of facts that might ruin the

engagement. Christ has forgotten all our sins, so let us

all forget the past and look forward to the future.

4. Disagreement on financial matters is a common reason for

the breaking of engagements. That is why it is preferable

to agree to all the details before the engagement: the

marriage rings, the new house, its furnishing and each

party's contribution to it, ceremonies, and all other

aspects. As Christian believers, we should avoid all

showing-off and extravagance in the engagement ceremonies or

overburdening one partner more than the other. We hope that

the rising generations would be able to break all those

obsolete habits so that marriage would no longer require

large amounts of money. Why should not economize on the

ceremonies? Why have candy boxes? Wouldn't a religious

picture card do? Why not economize on the furniture so that

it is no longer heavy, impractical, very tiring to buy, to

clean and to maintain. A simple, cozy sitting room, a dining room, multi-purpose beds etc... could be more practical.

The most important thing is that each partner should act in

a spirit of cooperation, frankness, honesty and commitment

to fulfill obligations, so as to maintain goodwill, without

avoiding any obligations or cheating the other partner in a

way that may disturb the existing amity or give an

impression of deceit.

Breaking off the Engagement

If it becomes impossible to go through with the marriage for

any reason, then either both parties or whoever feels unable

to continue must break it off in a proper way, as follows:

1. Exchanging all civil rights and referring any

disagreement to their priest.

2. The withdrawing party leaving the marriage rings, all

the non consumable presents and the money to the other

party. This is without taking into account food and

clothing and so on.

3. Each party keeping - forever - all the secrets of the other party. God has a special punishment for the betrayer.

4. The priest issuing an official report as a final

settlement - civil and canonical.

5. If the engaged couple disagree on civil matters the

engagement is broken canonically - even at the request of

only one party and, at the same time, maintaining the civil

rights to both parties.

Nowadays people are in the habit of breaking engagements at

the drop of a hat, and this only goes to show how hasty they

are in making decisions. They rush into decisions without

bringing them to the Lord due to their spiritual shallowness

and materialism.

Let's develop our lives in the Lord, asking His divine guidance at every step. Let's deal with the other partner in a generous, loving spirit. The Lord Himself is the secret of blessing and joy: He is the foundation for success and unity.

||    Pope Shenouda    ||    Father Matta    ||    Bishop Mattaous    ||    Fr. Tadros Malaty    ||    Bishop Moussa    ||    Bishop Alexander    ||    Habib Gerguis    ||    Bishop Angealos    ||    Metropolitan Bishoy    ||