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How Can I Chose My Life Partner?
Doubtless the matter of choosing a life partner is of great effect on the life of ah who are called upon by the Lord to take on the road of sacred marriage; and these are the large majority of believers. This matter, in particular, deserves proper study in its various dimensions. It would be appropriate that the young people - especially teenagers - should know the dimensions of the subject so as to correct any notions that might; creep into minds affecting principles and not in the int erest of either partners in any way.
Young people must realize that there is a proper time to think of this matter, and that is for the following reasons:
Young people at the starting phase breaches into a sexual development stage called by scientists ."General Attro-Sexuality." In this phase, a feeling starts towards the other sex and intuits specific facet of this person or other: emotions as well as the bodily paramonthy come into play at times in this moody attraction. Should either parties think that feeling of attraction a choice, then it is mistaken most certainly, because this young man / young woman is in that phase of General Attro-Sexuality and needs to wait a little until breaching it : into what is called "Degeneralized Attro-Sexuality” and that would be at the age of work and of the bearing of responsibilities.
This rapid changeability causes many emotional and psychological conflicts that tire: psychological operations' in both partners as one would feel exploited and the other would feel exploitive.
Moreover, it causes damage to both partners, as time- especially in the case of the girl - would never forget her attachment to someone without official steps.
We cannot deny - to my knowledge - that the emotion is part of the body, because it is part of the constituents of the human personality. That is why it starts in purity then quickly reveals insinuations of instincts that do not previously occur to the mind.
Finally, when the young man notices attention from the girl he becomes attached to, he very quickly starts doubting her integrity and abandons her, even after approaching official steps. This is because even the most devious of young men chooses the most pure of at the time of marriage.
For all of that the young man and the young woman must persevere in the sacred life style, and in avoiding submission to the allurements of emotions, instincts, and senses. This can be done by keeping their relations sacredly Christian. So, what are the characteristics of proper relation?
2. Characteristics of proper enter counting
The relation between two sexes is a natural matter present nowadays in the homes; at the schools; in the universities; and in the field of work. The danger latent in relation lies in going into extremes about it. Be it a going into extremes in the direction of lax permissivity as it is evinced Western societies, or be it a going into extremes in the direction of total sexual segregation
As for Christian
relation, it has characteristics and limits, some of them are:
The relation is to be in presence of' Christ. For that reason it is a relation as per the demands of the nature of work and life in the spirit of sacred fraternity. In Philippians 4.and Romans 16,.we see a sacred example of Christian relationship: the male and female workers of the; Lord wor k together in Christian charity, purity, chastity, and prudence. Ah have their na mes written in the book of life. That is why a Christian young man does not leave home without being sure that he is in the hands of Christ and that Christ is in heart. With that as a weapon the young- man comes down into the field, and in all situations feels that Christ is light "sifting the soft from the gross"; and is the power "gives assistance at the moments of need", and thus always cries out "We through Him Who loved us."
It is relation within the limits of work; and conversations do not go on aimlessly or in any subject, or in a corruptive issue, or backbiting; but within the domain of work, and inside the place of work and not outside it. It is a relationship of work and of responsibilities. If at all the person - with the light of Christ living within him should feel the line is about to deviate, he/she must quickly move towards the proper path resorting to the Loyal Faithful Ever-Present Supporter.
It is a relation within the framework of the community. Each cooperating in chastity and innocence. It is a church i.e. a community, in union with the Spirit, working for the glory of Christ and for the happiness of everyone.
Therefore, the separate concentration is rejected altogether, as that would be a departure from the proper line and group Joint to Christ for the proper relation should be within the framework of sanctity. Any separate -relationship with anyone is a foreboding of danger pending on the two parties. However, should that occur within the frame of choosing a partner, let it be in a sanctified style, official under direction from the spiritual father and in clear light.
Now remains a question
what is the proper way of choosing the life partner?
3. Methods of choosing
A human being
generally takes decisions as a harvest of three forces penetrating within him-
Spirit the voice of God inside human soul.
Thought the quite logic studious of matters
Emotions the feelings that: possess the human individual towards particular objects.
The great error occurs when the balances mix. There is no doubt that the given arrangement is Ch~ proper ranging God controls the mind and the mind controls the emotions. The balance mix when the emotions lead all the being of man or woman; for the mind must keep silent and God must approve of what was left.
It is clear that the emotions are not qualified to lead the human being for they are changeable generally. In addition they are part of the old human nature exposed to error. Moreover, they are part of the body - i.e. the currant of sin operative in the instincts of the human being and his constituents. That is why yielding to emotions is a grave error, and-the mind may not approve of that choice, or even God may not approve of it and He knows best our interests and future.
Therefore, the proper method for choosing the life partner must get in with God; with constant crying out to Him to show us the landmarks of the way; without becoming controlled by any particular idea, or any particular feeling or any particular personality; in other words, by honest submission devoid of personal valuation.
Subsequent to the guidance of God, one should reason in serenity: is this subject appropriate? He thinks with his spiritual father, and he thinks with his family and friends. Doubtless, thinking aloud gives sound resolutions if accompanied by submission to God and by appealing to His counsel and management.
As for emotions little
of it is enough. That emotion should be calm and serene, not hot nor cloudy
hiding from us the voice of the mind, or even the voice of God. Christian love
is divine love, beginning calmly and increasing, 'In it there is effort and
large giving and concession of all that tires the partner. Thus both would meet
in Christ; the couple are united in one strong union by the Holy Spirit in the
sacrament of sacred marriage.
Objectives of Christian Marriage
Is marriage a must for most of people? Why? We see in Christianity three objectives for marriage
A. Holy Union
"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make for him a helper fit to him." It is pure holy union in Christ, analogous to the union of Christ to the church.
with God in Creation
The married couple participate together with God in the process of creation, and that is a great glory to the human being. It is not a matter of sensuality alone, but includes in its folds the mission of maintaining the human species. God gifted man, paternity and maternity so as to keep humanity on earth, increasing the number of the. children of God enjoying His love.
C. A Path of
"It is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1Cor 7:9)
That the majority of human beings have their path to salvation through marriage In it there is a sanctified use of instincts within the framework of purity, chastity, and Christian discipline- AS for "only those to whom it has been given" (Mt 19:11), they feel that their salvation is in abstinence, so as to be consecrated to God with all their being called forth to that path. There is no merit for either path above the other, for there is no salvation without Christ. Even though celibacy gives a spiritual launching and dedication, it is a special call one neither hankers after nor effects, but merely accepts it from the lord “as a gift” (1Cor7:7), and has nothing to do about it other than strive to keep it.
General Principles Of Choice
The young Christian should observe general and important principles in making hislher choice, such as:
A. Spiritual Aspect
Is the other Party dose to Christ, Striding along His Path or not? Is he or she spiritually tending, or mundane in heart?
The approaches of materialistic standards is most preferred ' to ensure close and . harmonious styles of living, dressing, and the various expenditures etc. of living,
Social and cultural approaches is also preferred; for instance, the milieu is different from the urban milieu, and both are different from the metropolitan 'milieu. The very inclinations are different, and it is best that both partners have close inclinations·
D. Physical Beauty
This aspect must not acquire more than its portion for it is transitory and as ephemeral as weed: newer. Often, physical beauty becomes a cause of troubles and jealousies. Indeed, it has often been observed that physical. beauty can for intellectual cultural and spiritual retardation owing to the amount of self-preoccupation it can generate.
Continuity of Christian Marriage
At stake in the continuity of Christian marriage are many matters, most important among which are: .
A. Family Altar
The family should gather daily to read the Bible and pray. They should have Holy Communion together. These are principal means for enforcing Christian life in the family, and children simply drink it with milk taking.
B. Spirit of Giving
If both parties do not come out each of his/her selfishness, it becomes impossible to build the home. Each party must stay obligated to give of his/her love to the other party in profuse effort. There is no doubt that the union of each party with Christ spontaneously unites that party more to the other. The closure of one party upon him- or herself displaces that party form the center to the circumference wherein the broadness of the periferiality of which lie separation and severment.
If either party is not convinced that be/she is wrong in his/her thinking and converses with the other party in an honest search for the better, pretty soon each party would become heavily opinionated even when wrong leading to the family's break down. Calm mutual consultation on matters of opinion and the openness to Christ and to the opinion of the fathers is fundamental to the preservation of the family entirely.
How often do matters become worse by sympathizing sickly with the partner prejudicial to me!! What is needed instead of that is that the involvement of the families be limited and only for constructiveness, regardless of the loyalties of each party. Should the Christian family put up the motto of "Christ is the Head of this house" then that family will stand up to all hurricanes.
In conclusion, we must call upon all Christian young people to chastity and sacredness, for purity is "the best bulwark for us on the road to and before and after the start of married life. As for deviation it is always the in presence of everybody and of God, and 'often the individual pays for it in bitterness and perdition; besides that Christ refuses all forms of perversity, they all being sacrilege to the temple of God that we are "Shall I take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Never!" "Do not you know that
Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you; whom you have from God and you are not Your own?" (1Cor:6:15, 19) “Do you not know that you 63a are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you” if anyone defiles the temple of God "God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are" (1Cor 3:16,17)
Poor then is whoever thinks that permissively is freedom or peace, for it is the foundation of servility to the body and to Satan. There is no happiness in it for the pleasure of vice increases the thirstiness and hunger of the human being, and fills him or her with Bitterness and depression, there are those who “Hewed themselves cisterns – broken cisterns, that can hold no water” (Jer211) "Every-one who drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of The water that I shall give him will never thirst” (Jn4:13,14)
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