The
Family and Relationships
By H.G. Bishop Moussa
The Christian family has two types of
belonging: one to the church or the secret body of Christ, and another to
society or the country. Each of them has its own rights and duties. The family
is really the fundamental cell from which the church and country are built up.
There is no contradiction at all between
these two types of belonging. Christianity calls us to be good neighbors. It
commands us to acquire good and honest behavior that can testify for Christ Who
dwells within us: "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see
Your good works and glorify Your Father in heaven" (Mt 5:16). Moreover,
Christianity commands us to submit to the governing authorities, being
confident that God is above all: "The king's heart is in the hand of the
Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it whenever He wishes" (Prov 21:1); "There is no authority except from God,
and the authorities that exist are appointed by God" (Rom 13:1).
The Christian family is asked to be
Christian in reality and not just in name. It is to be firmly connected by the
Holy Spirit and bonds of love, to be concerned with bringing up its children in
the fear of God and love for all. Then the family will
remain a model for the holiness and continuation of Christian marriage and be
ready to play its part in both church and country.
1. The Relationship With
God
It is the first and essential
relationship. The Christian family sometimes hangs an
significant sign in the dining room. It says: "Christ is the head of this
house, the unseen guest at every meal, and the silent listener to every
conversation." If the family follow this
watchword, it may be converted into a real church and a holy sanctuary where it
can offer the oblations of glorification and thanksgiving.
In the past the Christian family took
care to set aside a place for prayer. This place contained a compartment for
the Holy Virgin carrying Christ, and in front of it there was an oil lamp
symbolizing the light of the God's Word, or candles to symbolize the deepest
source of self-sacrificial love that the family had. In front of such an east
facing compartment a daily prayer has to be offered - we suggest it should be
once a day in the evening. The family may pray a short prayer - we suggest the
prayer of thanksgiving, Psalm 50 (Have mercy on me, O God), and the Compline absolution. One of the children may read a chapter
of the Bible, then the prayer should be ended by the concluding prayer (Have
mercy upon us O Lord, have
mercy upon
us) and the Lord's Prayer.
Such a family altar will mean that the
Lord will keep an eye on us and His love and personal presence will be with us.
His Word will be heard in the ears of both young and old. It will be a reason
for renewed calm repentance, its prayers will be an opportunity for the Holy
Spirit to renew, sanctify, direct and win hearts to goodness and
constructiveness.
No doubt this altar will be a chance for
good family ties on both the spiritual and emotional levels. The family will
never be divided against itself, neither the parents nor the children. All will
behave later with a spiritual and enriching love. They will not be trapped in
psychological self-centeredness.
2. The Relationships Within
The Family
Educationalists talk about the
generation gap and the inability of the parents' generation gap to understand
the psychology and circumstances of their sons' and daughters' generation. On
the other hand, young people have difficulty in communicating with their
parents and imagine that agreement between their generation and their parents'
is impossible. This is a natural thing to happen among people of the world but
not among the sons and daughters of God, who have got rid of their stubbornness
and selfishness and overcome their materialism. It will be easier for them to
meet intimately and agree gracefully. In an atmosphere of warmth and affection,
they should be able to give firm guidance, free from enfeebling favoritism or
undue severity.
Keeping the balance of expressing
feelings and offering advice is essential not only for the peacefulness and
cohesion of family ties but also wholesome spiritual, psychological and
practical life for its members.
A lot of young families have been torn
apart because of the strong emotional ties between the parents and their sons
and daughters. Because of the impossibility of the young person being
emotionally weaned from the parents he or she cannot be united to a partner.
Such a strange emotion between the parents and the new couple is not love at all but only a counterfeit image of love. It springs
from an unwholesome selfishness and self-centeredness, which causes
psychological troubles for both the young man and the woman and makes an
illness all too likely in the long run.
In fact, spiritual and rational love is
needed. It is essential because we don't want young men and women to grow up
with an emotional deprivation that leads them to be trapped by the first false
emotion. Spiritual love is essential, but emotional love is not sufficient.
Emotional weaning is needed and a balanced upbringing is essential too. We
suffer from the disparity between the father and mother in the way they bring
up their children. One uses cruelty and the other spoils a child so that the
son or daughter grows up with a damaged, psyche which rapidly develops into a
corrupted manner and spirit.
3. The Relationships Outside
The Family
These must have principles and
boundaries. For example, the spirit of love between a couple and their families
must always be evident. The parents' intervention must be limited to what will
benefit the couple and build them up. Each partner must not allow the other
partner to be closely tied only to his or her family: they must be linked with
each other's families. The two families must not let destructive curiosity or
feelings of resentment interfere in the life of the new family. Intervention is
needed only for the benefit of the new couple, but they must have time to know
each other intimately and become united. Each of them must give up some of
habits and mood. Within this period of time, some minor differences or even
disputes take place but, because of the spirit of understanding, Christian love
and the earnest direction of parents they will calm down. But if the parents
take the opposite course, i.e. favoritism and destructive attitudes, the new
family may be torn apart.
Outside the two families there are the
relationships with colleagues, friends, and neighbors. Such relationships must
have manners and spiritual rules, because we suffer from these types of
relationships. They bring bad thoughts into the family, involve them in
resentful relationships and push them into abandoning constructive, vital
principles. this is the last of the negative
consequences which come from a home with no protective walls around it. Visits
must be limited, relationships must be set up after suitable vetting and sons'
and daughter's friendships must be under compassionate control.
Hence, every family must keep an eye on
its sons and daughters to be able to say to the Lord on the Last Day:
"Hence I am and the children whom God has given me" (Heb 2:13). The
mother "Will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love and
holiness, with self-control" (1Tim 2:15).
The watchword of us all must be:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Josh 24:15).
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