Family Background Questionnaire

Your marriage will reflect aspects of your parents' marriages.

Your concept of what a marriage should be like and how the two of you should relate to one another is influenced by what you have observed in your parents' marriage as a child. Your parents' marriages are unlikely to have been identical. Thus each of you is likely to have concepts about marriage and relating to one another which are different. This questionnaire will enable you to learn what differences of opinion may exist between you and alert you to concepts which may need to be changed to bring them into agreement with God's design for marriage.

Are your parents still married or are they divorced?

What is your parents' opinion about divorce?
Do they believe divorce is an option when a couple is having marital problems?
Under what circumstances do they believe a divorce is in order?

In your parent's relationship with one another:

Would you say peace and harmony generally prevailed? Or would you say conflicts and quarrels generally prevailed? Which do you think your Lord wants to prevail in your relationship?
Would you say your parents generally made up after a disagreement or quarrel? Or would you say they remained alienated for extended periods of time? What do you think your Lord wants you to do after a disagreement or quarrel?
How did your parents behave during disagreements and how did they finally handle those disagreements? How do you think your Lord wants you to behave during disagreements and to handle them?
Did your parents resolve their problems or let them linger unresolved? What do you think your Lord wants you to do about your problems and when?
Did your parents openly show affection for one another in front of you as a child? Do you agree with that? Why or why not?
Of your parents which would you say was the leader who assumed the responsibilities for the family and home? Mother? Father? Both equally? Would you say one of them was more of the follower who followed the lead of the other? If so, which one? What do you think the Lord would have you and your partner do in your marriage?
Has your parents' marriage convinced you that in your marriage you will definitely do something differently? What? Why? What does the Lord say about it?
Which of your parents handled the family finances? Who do you think should in your  marriage?
Did you come from a family which was poverty stricken, lower middle class, middle class, upper middle class, wealthy? How does that compare to your mate's background? If different, how might it affect your marriage in the future?

In your parents' relationship to you:

Which of them assumed the greater responsibility for raising and training you? Mother?  Father? Both equally? Whom does the Lord say should assume this responsibility in your  marriage?
How did your parents discipline you as a child? How do you think children should be disciplined? What does the Lord say about this?
Did your parents frustrate you with excessive strictness or demands? How strict and demanding should a parent be? Read Ephesians 6:4 and Colossians 3:21 in your Bible.  What does the Lord say to you if you should become parents?
What was the basis of the morals and values your parents taught you? What do you think you should use as a standard for the morals and values you will teach your children?  Read Ephesians 6:4 in your Bible. What does the Lord say?

In their relationship with their Lord did your parents:

Attend church each week, once or twice a month, periodically, Christmas and Easter, never? How often do you think a Christian couple will attend worship services? Read Psalm 122:1 and Hebrews 10:25. What does your Lord say the spirit of the Christian is?  What does he want you to do?
Read and study the Bible in your home privately or as a family? What do you think about Bible reading and family devotions? What encouragement does Jesus offer? See John  5:39.
Pray regularly and talk about prayer? Do you think prayer is effective and should be a part of your life together? Read James 5:16 and 1 John 5:14,15. What does the Lord say?
Serve the Lord by being active in some capacity in church? Should a couple plan on making their services to the Lord and for his church a part of their Christian marriage? Read  Romans 12:4-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-7. What does the Lord say about using your time and talents in his service for the good of his church?
Bring weekly offerings for the Lord to support his gospel work? Do you think a couple should make regular offerings a part of their financial planning and budgeting? If so, how much? Read Proverbs 3:9, 10; 1 Corinthians 16:2; 2 Corinthians 9:6,7. What does your  Lord want you to do?
Talk openly about their Lord, his goodness, his support and protection, their faith, his will for them as situations arose? What have they taught you by doing so or not doing so about Christian family life? Where will you as a couple put your trust for your married life?  Read Proverbs 3:5. What encouragement does your Lord give you?