Dealing With Disagreements And Curbing Conflicts


Read chapter 6 of Deepening Love--For Marital Happiness and answer the following questions.


Strife, enmity, disputes, dissensions, and factions are all acts of our sinful natures and thus sins (Galatians 5:19,20).

Can any on us, including yourselves, say we have not been guilty of these sins in the past?

Read Hebrews 4:14,15 in your Bible.

Who alone never sinned through strife, enmity, arguments, and disputes?

Read 1 John 2:2 in your Bible.

Jesus fulfilled the law of God for us as our substitute, so that his righteousness would be credited to us for our salvation. What did he also do to deliver us from our guilt of sinful strife, arguments, and disputes?

By his perfect life and innocent death we now have what?

The salvation Jesus has given to us from our guilt and certain punishment compels us Christians to no longer live for ourselves but for him, who died for us and was raised again. We live for him in all aspects of our life, including our married life, by, among all other things, striving to eliminate our sins of strife, arguments, and disputes. What, then, as a Christian husband and wife will your goal be in your marriage? See page 95.

There are two elements of every disagreement. See page 96.

What are they?
Which of these will enable you to avoid sin during a disagreement?
Who alone can bless you with this element of a disagreement which avoids sinful disputes and conflicts?

By what means will the Holy Spirit give you a spirit of love and righteousness to avoid sinful disputes and conflicts?

To avoid sinful disputes in your marriage to honor Christ:

What must be a regular part of your life?
How can you make it a regular part of your life to expose yourselves to the powerful working of the Holy Spirit?

What will be the reasons for disagreements in your marriage?  See pages 96-98.

With God's help what can you do to offset them and minimize them?

Maladjustment plagues couples throughout their marriage. See page 97.

The following are issues in your marriage requiring communication and adjustments between you. Discuss each of the following and write out what you intend to do.

To cleave to one another in marriage you must leave your parents (ref. Genesis 2:24).  What adjustments will you have to make with regard to your parents?
What adjustments do you expect your parents to make for the sake of your marriage?
Where and in what will you live after your wedding? Is it advisable to live with one of  your parents?
You may not agree with, or like everything about, your in-laws. What effects will  comments about your partner's parents and family have on your marriage? What  adjustments will you both have to make?
Now that you will have two sets of parents, where will you spend the holidays? What adjustments will you have to make?
How long should you give yourselves and your marriage to adjust to living together and to making your marriage work?
Before your wedding you probably spent much or most of your time enjoying various forms of entertainment and going out with other couples. How will your leisure time be affected after your wedding? After you have children? What adjustments will you have to  make?
When you begin to set up your household, you will have to decide who will have what side of the clothes closet and medicine cabinet, who will take out the garbage and perform the many domestic duties, what kind of a Christmas tree you will have, and a thousand and one other decisions. You are two different people with two different backgrounds. How will you approach making these decisions? How will you have to adjust to one another?
You both have your individual interests, opinions, and pursuits, which you will bring with you into your marriage. What adjustments will these require you to make?
Compare your likes and dislikes in food, entertainment, friends, goals. Do your likes outnumber your dislikes, or vice versa? Is this good or bad? What adjustments will you  need to make?
No two people will do the same thing in the same way. What implication does this have for you? Let's say you had to empty a room and paint it together. What does your different way of doing things require of you?
Sound family finances is a joint effort. Until now you have had your separate finances.  What adjustments will you have to make to handle your finances jointly. List five below.


In handling your finances remember your wealth and possessions are God's gifts to you, which you are to manage to glorify him by using them to provide for your needs, to give offerings to him, to help the needy, to pay your taxes, and to enjoy as his blessings.  Have you discussed how you as a couple will do each of these things? What have you decided?
As Christians you will need to guard against materialism and covetousness which leads to overspending and financial disasters. Couples getting married have been known to spend  $10,000 to $20,000 for the one day of their wedding and an additional $5,000 to $10,000  for new furniture and appliances, plus thousands of dollars for a honeymoon. They buried  themselves in debt, which would take 10 years or more to pay off, and put their marriage on the edge of bankruptcy before they were even married. What can the two of you do to save your marriage from financial disaster? How may you both have to adjust your plans for your wedding and furnishing your household?
Read the Lord's instructions for economic happiness in 1 Timothy 6: 6-10, Hebrews  13:5, Philippians 4:11, Matthew 6:24-34. If you are to follow the Lord's advice for economic happiness, what adjustments might you need to make in expenditures?
Many couples get married thinking they should have a household set up like that of their parents. They fail to consider it took their parents 25 years or longer to build up their  household to that point. Can you expect to set up a household like your parents'? What adjustments will you have to make?
Are you ready to have children? Have you agreed on starting a family and when?
Will you both belong to the same church? If you will have a mixed religious marriage,  what plans have you made and what adjustments will you have to make?

See pages 98,99 107,108.

What will make your disagreements over such things as the preceding issues "ties or tears" in your relationship?
What does this teach you to do with every disagreement?

See pages 99-101.

What will prevent your disagreements from growing into sinful conflicts?

See pages 101-108.

Because of sin to disagree is human. But as two Christians what can you agree to now about how you will disagree in the future?
Are you willing to make this agreement and are you committed to carrying it out during your marriage?
Write down what you both agree to about disagreeing.